Many people express a desire for control in their lives, viewing it as a means to reduce anxiety in unpredictable situations such as flying or riding in a car driven by someone else. However, the pursuit of total control is both unrealistic and unhealthy, as absolute control over all aspects of life is impossible.
Psychology Today highlights that the relentless quest for control is futile, as unforeseen events like an oil leak or an accidental coffee spill are beyond our governance. Instead of fixating on control, a more fruitful approach is focusing on influence, which offers a healthier, more achievable way to impact our environment and the people around us.
Understanding Influence vs. Control
Influence allows for the same sense of achievement that one seeks from control but without the stress of trying to manage the uncontrollable. It encourages a state of peace and reduces anxiety about outcomes. For example, when you write a blog post on a topic you are passionate about, you aim to influence readers’ perspectives. You cannot force anyone to read your work or agree with your views, but the act of sharing your insights contributes positively to your cause and offers personal satisfaction.
Influence in Personal Relationships
Attempting to control others can lead to conflict and resentment. This is evident even in interactions with children, who are notably resistant to overt control. Consider the challenge parents face with toddlers who are picky eaters. Instead of enforcing control, which is stressful for both parent and child, influencing behaviors through creative, fun approaches to eating can achieve the desired result without the negativity associated with coercion.
Applying Influence Constructively
When you opt to influence rather than control, you engage others positively, respecting their autonomy and fostering goodwill. Even if individuals do not follow your guidance, they are likely to respect your input more than if you had attempted to impose your will in a controlling manner.
Influence respects freedom and personal boundaries, which is especially important in maintaining healthy, non-abusive relationships. Instead of striving for the impossible ideal of control, focus on shaping situations through influence. This approach not only reduces frustration when facing life’s inherent unpredictability but also enhances your effectiveness and satisfaction in interpersonal interactions.
By embracing the power of influence, you can lead changes and inspire others without the drawbacks of attempting to control them, leading to more harmonious relationships and a more fulfilling life.