Influence permeates our lives, often shaping our actions, beliefs, and interpersonal relationships more significantly than we might realize. Dr. Alex Lickerman, a respected physician and author of “The Undefeated Mind,” sheds light on the subtleties of influence, suggesting that our responses to it are frequently rooted in a deep-seated search for love and approval. Drawing from his personal experiences, Lickerman discusses how he emulated the qualities of his father, a man he deeply respected, highlighting the powerful role that influence can play in personal development.

The Dual Nature of Influence

Influence, as Lickerman points out, can wield positive or negative power in our lives. It stems from our natural desire to attain a sense of control—something that remains elusive since no one can truly control every aspect of life. This realization often leads us to look up to those who seem to possess qualities or abilities we aspire to, whether it’s a semblance of control, success, or virtue. However, just as influence can inspire and elevate us, it can also lead us astray if not approached with discernment.

Early Childhood and Parental Influence

The influence of our earliest relationships, particularly with our parents, cannot be overstated. The National Institutes of Health have found that parents influence not only through genetics but also through direct interpersonal interactions. From these primary relationships, children learn social cues and develop their initial understanding of the world.

Research by Dr. Marc H. Bornstein underscores the importance of introducing strong social skills early in life. His studies indicate that children lacking robust social interactions by the age of four may develop into more anxious and aggressive individuals as they grow. Moreover, the moral framework and respect a child observes in their parents profoundly affect their perception of social roles and behaviors. For instance, witnessing a father’s disrespect towards a mother might skew a child’s understanding of gender roles and interpersonal respect.

Choosing and Becoming Good Influences

Given the indelible impact of influence, Lickerman advocates for striving to be a positive influence. The actions and words of individuals, particularly those admired or respected, can significantly influence others in subtle yet profound ways. Positive behaviors, like kindness and constructive actions, might seem trivial to the person exhibiting them but can profoundly impact observers, prompting them to emulate these traits.

Good role models typically exhibit respect, kindness, and a commitment to making the world a better place without seeking recognition. These individuals unknowingly set standards for behavior and interaction that can inspire others to follow suit.

Navigating the Challenges of Negative Influences

Conversely, negative influences can be seductively easy to fall into because they often require less immediate personal sacrifice and appeal to our baser instincts, such as the desire for unbridled freedom and fun. Psychologist Valerie Soleil highlights several red flags that may indicate a friend or acquaintance is a bad influence, including encouraging dishonesty, prioritizing frivolous fun over meaningful interaction, and inducing feelings of exhaustion or guilt.

Negative influences might appear alluring, offering the path of least resistance, but they frequently lead to detrimental outcomes, affecting one’s personal growth and the quality of their relationships.

In Conclusion

Influence is a powerful force in human development and societal interaction. By understanding its mechanisms and being mindful of who we allow to influence us—and how we influence others—we can make more informed choices that enrich our lives and foster healthier relationships. Whether through parental guidance, educational settings, or social interactions, the influences we absorb and reflect will shape not only our own lives but also those of the people around us.